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November 24, 2025

Layers

Don't be sad, or be as sad as you need to be — that's better than fake happiness.

Why do I fake all my emotions? I say yes when I don't want to. I've faked everything. I'm not who people think I am.

Am I the person everyone sees, or the person I think I am?

Probably the second one — but my actions and thoughts don't match. I think I'm person A, but I act like person B. I act like B, but my intentions are like a third personality, C.

Who am I? Which one is real?

I feel so empty and detached. I don't want any stimulation anymore.

It hurts. My brain hurts.

I had a dream today when I slept during the day. The dream was terrifying — dark and cold.

I don't remember much, but I remember how it felt: regret, extreme sadness, missing something. My head feels so heavy.

I hate interacting with people, but I have to.

I've always believed in not complaining — in accepting things, adapting, and surviving even when things don't go my way.

But it's so hard.

I wish one day I could remove the mask and be whatever I want, do whatever I want.

I hate it.

But even if I remove one layer, I don't know if the next layer would be true.

I wonder how many layers make up who I am — or if the truth is something else entirely.

I can't let my emotions take over me. I have so much to do.